Alice in Bathroom Land - Flush Friends

Alice Smith has built an empire on perfect etiquette. As the queen of propriety and lifestyle influencing, she's made millions teaching people that bathrooms exist solely for elegant hand-washing. Bodily functions? We don't speak of such things.

But when Alice follows a mysterious trail through her local supermarket, she tumbles down a rabbit hole into Bathroom Land, a bizarre world of talking toilets and a farting fairy. Here, flush friends celebrate what Alice has spent her entire career pretending doesn't exist.

Even worse, Alice discovers she's the central figure in an ancient prophecy. The tyrannical Queen of Joyless Winks believes Alice's rigid earthly rules are the key to eliminating bathroom humor from both worlds forever. Now Alice must choose: help the Queen sanitize reality itself, or join forces with the chaotic flush friends, including the wise Dr. Trent Turdstack, the mischievous Wink Shout Fairy, and the elegant Meal Mime, to save everyone's right to laugh at themselves.

Sometimes the most proper thing to do is be completely improper.

A satirical fantasy adventure that's equal parts Alice in Wonderland absurdity and cheeky bathroom humor, with surprising wisdom about acceptance, authenticity, and learning to laugh at ourselves and at life.


"Move over, Wonderland. Bathroom Land is the satirical fantasy we didn't know we needed. Hilarious, heartfelt, and surprisingly philosophical about acceptance and authenticity."—Flush Fiction Weekly

"Finally, a book that treats bathroom humor with the respect and gravitas it deserves. A triumph of satirical fiction."—The Propriety Times (reluctantly)

"Turdwell flushes away societal taboos with wit, charm, and talking toilets. This is Alice in Wonderland for adults who aren't afraid to laugh at life's messiest truths."—The Wink Shout Review

"Five stars and a courtesy flush. Absolutely brilliant."—Tank & Bowl Magazine


A Flush Friends Book

What exactly are flush friends?
Flush friends are living, intelligent, personified toilets who serve with honor and humor.

Are flush friends real?
Absolutely. They've been real all along. Humans just weren't paying attention.

What is the purpose of the Flush Friends books?
The books exist to help people relax, make people laugh, encourage self-acceptance, lighten the emotional load, reduce the shame around natural functions, help people forget their troubles for a while, and remind everyone that life is more fun when we stop taking ourselves so seriously. In short, to make humanity breathe easier and unclench.

Do the books have deeper meaning, or are they just bathroom jokes?
They are bathroom jokes with meaning. The humor opens the door, but the messages teach vulnerability, acceptance, mindfulness, relationship honesty, and emotional freedom.

Novella-length satire at 25,000 words – short, sharp, and shamelessly funny