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My name is Julian V Forbes. I am thirty-eight years old.
For a long time I wore a smile that nobody could see through. I kept showing up for everyone else while I was bleeding on the inside. I know what it feels like to achieve on the outside and feel nothing on the inside. I know the invisible weight that depression puts on your chest, the kind nobody else can see.
This book is my honest account of what depression looked like in my life, shaped by growing up in the care system and everything that came after. It is not a textbook and I am not a professional. This is simply what I went through, and what helped me carry on when it felt impossible to keep going.
In these pages I share how I kept showing up even on the days I didn't want to, how grounding myself back to the earth became part of my healing, and the small steps that slowly built into real change. This book ends with hope, because better days really are ahead, and I am living proof of that.
It's not on me. It's in me. It always was.
If you are carrying something heavy right now, I see you. I was you. And I found my way back. So can you.
