Hot and Unbothered - How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want

An acclaimed sex therapist’s practical, playful, and inclusive guide that teaches you how to discover your deepest sexual desires, communicate your wants and needs, define your boundaries, and have the sex you want.

While popular culture is saturated with sex, the gap between informed sex education and satisfying sex is vast, and it often leaves LGBTQQ+ individuals out of the conversation entirely. Hot and Unbothered bridges that chasm, giving you explicit permission to talk about, think about, and achieve the pleasure you desire without shame or secrecy, no matter your sexual identity or gender.

In Hot and Unbothered, Yana Tallon-Hicks provides a roadmap to empower yourself and improve your relationships, sharing the unique programs she developed for her therapy clients and workshops. She begins by shattering myths about “good sex,” which is seamless, satisfying—and nearly non-existent. Once you let go of unreachable ideals, you can start to truly identify your own unique desires and fears and build the safest space to fulfill your most pleasurable sexual experiences. Yana guides you to discover your own hang-ups and overcome barriers such as shame, secrecy, misinformation, low self-esteem, lack-of-motivation, and unhealthy relationship patterns.

When the path to pleasure is cleared the fun begins! Yana helps you decide who you really are as a sexual being and how to set sexual goals. What do you want? What do you like? What have you yet to discover? And how do you want to explore? In answering these questions, you can establish and set your limits, clarify your needs, and communicate your desires to your current partner. Yana reminds you that whether your partner is a lifelong companion or a casual hook-up, your pleasure, comfort, and identity should always be supported.

Yana unpacks common stumbling blocks, troubleshoots tricky conversations, and addresses potential backslides to ensure long-lasting success. Complete with worksheets and exercises, as well as playful hand-drawn illustrations, Hot and Unbothered will help you understand, pursue, and fulfill your sexual desires now, and for the rest of your life.

This practical, inclusive, and pleasure-focused guide gives you the tools to build the sex life you want:

Define Your Boundaries: Learn how to identify your wants, needs, and limits—and communicate them with confidence, whether with a lifelong partner or a casual hook-up. Overcome Sexual Shame: Move past the myths about "good sex" and dismantle barriers like low self-esteem and misinformation to achieve the pleasure you truly desire. LGBTQ+ Inclusive Sex Ed: A guide that speaks to everyone, no matter your sexual identity or gender, bridging the gap left by traditional sex education. Build Relational Skills: Discover how to troubleshoot tricky conversations, hear ‘no’ like a pro, and repair mistakes to improve your relationships inside and outside the bedroom. Practical Tools & Exercises: Put learning into practice with worksheets, exercises, and a Yes/No/Maybe list, all brought to life with playful hand-drawn illustrations.