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"Episodes of sick terror used to afflict my deepest childhood. I clung to Mum, obsessed by the notion of being stifled and tortured."
I couldn't fathom what was wrong with me. The rooms were empty with dust-motes glimmering against the window. Only the hissing of the water-tank in the loft made a sound.
For fifty years, I had believed my intrusive thoughts were attributed to warring parents and mental illness. In fact, something bizarre and horrific has happened to me of which I had remained unaware for almost five decades.
This is not a biography but describes a gash running through the heart of my life. A diary I kept in the Seventies and Eighties has been used for this account.
The subject of this book has been described accurately. Names of people, places and certain details have been changed to protect identities, and I am writing under a pseudonym.