Seeing What Is There - My Search for Sanity in the Psychedelic Era

For fans of Aldous Huxley and Timothy Leary, a woman’s personal journey unfolds in a historically documented and scientifically elucidated memoir of lifelong struggle to overcome CPTSD with the help of psychedelics.

In 2009 following a breast cancer diagnosis, Rex found herself spiraling into a depression that led her to a groundbreaking clinical trial at Johns Hopkins University in 2012, where she was given two doses of psilocybin.

As she reflects on her tumultuous childhood marked by violent abuse from psychiatrist parents, Rex uncovers the psychological influences that shaped her life and therapeutic search. Her journey intersects with a dark history of psychological experimentation, including the work of Harvard’s Dr. Henry A. Murray—her mother’s mentor—whose controversial research influenced modern psychology and led to the psychopathology of Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber.

Despite years of failed conventional treatments, Rex sought alternative paths, discovering transformative healing through ayahuasca, MDMA, and 5-MeO-DMT. Seeing What Is There navigates the complexities of the psychedelic therapy movement, questioning its ethical pitfalls and motivations. Ultimately, Rex demonstrates that true healing requires more than just pharmaceuticals—it demands economic security, community, and social support, offering a powerful meditation on trauma, survival, and the potential for transformation.