We Can't All Be Rattlesnakes

Crusher the snake will charm readers in this entertaining, funny novel about a snake in captivity and how she turns the tables on her human captor.

I am a snake.

No, not a rattlesnake. I just look like one. I’m a gopher snake.

One day an oily, filthy, fleshy human child crossed my path. As luck would have it, he knew the difference between a gopher snake and a rattlesnake. He has imprisoned me in a terrarium. His name is Gunnar. He calls me Crusher. He thinks I’m male. I’m not.

He dropped in a dead mouse and hoped I’d eat it. I buried it. He then dropped in a live one, which he called “Breakfast.” I didn’t lay a coil on it.

Gunnar thinks I’ll be his adoring pet. He’s wrong.

In fact, I am planning my escape. I may take breakfast with me.

Unlikely Friendship: Crusher is supposed to eat the live mouse dropped in her tank. Instead, she finds herself protecting a tiny, white-furred creature named Breakfast. Sarcastic Narrator: Told from the witty, defiant point of view of Crusher, a gopher snake who has some very strong opinions about her “oily, filthy, fleshy human child” captor. Animal Adventure Story: From outsmarting her captor Gunnar to planning a great escape, this is a hilarious adventure about seeing the world through a very different pair of eyes. Friendship and Empathy: A laugh-out-loud chapter book for kids that explores big ideas about freedom, friendship, and what it means to care for someone you were never supposed to like.