You Deserve Your Love

We spend so much of our lives learning how to love others. We read books about being better partners, better parents, better friends. We attend to the emotional needs of the people around us with impressive dedication, noticing when a colleague seems off, checking in on the friend who went quiet, making sure everyone in the room is okay. And yet, somewhere in all that devoted care for others, we forget or perhaps were never told, how to extend that same grace inward. Most of us have developed a relationship with ourselves that we would never tolerate with another person. We speak to ourselves with a harshness we would never direct at a friend, a colleague or a relative. We hold ourselves to those standards of perfection that we would never impose on someone we love. We keep a running mental tally of our failures, our flaws, our embarrassing moments, and we revisit that regularly, as though repetition might somehow fix what has already broken. We would never treat a person we cared about this way. And yet we do it to ourselves, every single day, often without even noticing. This book is an invitation to notice. And then, gently, to change. 

Here is something worth sitting with: research consistently shows that people who are high in self-compassion tend to be more resilient in the face of adversity, not less. They recover from setbacks more quickly. They are more motivated to learn from their mistakes rather than simply hiding from them. They experience lower levels of anxiety and depression. They have more satisfying relationships. And, perhaps most surprising of all to the inner critic brigade, they tend to have higher, not lower, standards for themselves, because their standards are driven by genuine values rather than fear. 

I will also not promise you that after reading this book you will be a perfectly healed, wholly self-compassionate human being who never says a harsh word to themselves again. That is not how any of this works. What I can promise you is that if you bring an open heart to these pages, even on the days it feels difficult, even when the inner critic gets loud, even when old patterns pull you back, something will shift. Quietly, gradually, and then sometimes all at once.  

Welcome. I'm so glad you came.