You've Been Blocked, The Search for Gay Male Perfection

You've Been Blocked, The Search for Gay Male Perfection is a provocative discussion exploring various ways gay men were blocked from their true selves. Many were profoundly inhibited as children, after being raised to be "straight-normal" boys, even though they are "gay-normal" boys. In childhood, gay men commonly learn to take care of and "accommodate others" by repressing their true selves; instead of healthy development and self-respect, many seek external approval from parents, teachers, and peers, for example, for being something they are not.

This profound invalidation results in serious consequences in the adult gay male community (GMC) where some gay men will continue the pattern of seeking external approval from other gay men. One dynamic supported by part of the GMC consists of pursuing stringent, perfectionist qualities referred to here as the "M-Ranking." This market value assessment places a premium on superficial, often seldom obtainable aesthetic and materialistic qualities, including model looks, large endowment and youthfulness. One of the main sought-after traits is being perceived as exceptionally masculine and ironically, less gay-acting. The book describes a framework to becoming unblocked by maximizing internal satisfaction called the U-Factor (Unblocking Factor). The other related components of the U-Factor include insight, integrity, independence, and intimacy.

In addition, You've Been Blocked addresses relevant, complex subjects like the narcissistic spectrum, choice information, shame magnification, alcoholic thinking, as well as the impact of straight male privilege. Becoming unblocked requires that gay men reclaim the right to be their authentic selves in all communities, independent of external assessment and approval. Evolved, empowered gay men must independently define what it means to be internally satisfied.